Just over 6 years ago my husband & I were faced with one of the most difficult circumstances a parent could go through. Our son, who was 4, at the time, was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor and needed urgent brain surgery to remove it. In a matter of moments our lives came to a complete stop. I remember how instantaneously my normal routines of being a stay at home mom disappeared like somehow they never existed. Evidence of dirty dishes that sat in my kitchen sink for 7 days! This was not a dream I could wake up from. I couldn’t hide or pretend this wasn’t happening. All I could do was fall on my knees and pray for our son. I had to surrender all my fears to the sovereignty of the God I know.
But that did not come easy.
The “what ifs” and doubts perplexed my mind like wildfire during the long sleepless nights I sat in the rocking chair next to my son’s hospital bed before they could fit him in for surgery. I wrestled back and forth with being fearful and having faith but ultimately knowing God is in control….of everything. Isaiah 41:10 says “Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Easier said than done.
On the morning of our son’s surgery we had nurses and doctors in and out of our hospital room. The energy and anticipation of sending our first born off to brain surgery was welling up inside of me. It felt like the ultimate loss of control. Kind of like you’re trapped on a roller coaster and you can’t get off. But that was part of my shift of letting go and letting God. It was as if I was handing the baton to God and he was like “I got this now” and sprinted off to finish the race while I just stood there watching.
Deep Breath. Exhale.
Just after we sent our son off for surgery, my husband & I needed to go off together to take some time by ourselves to be alone with God and pray. That was when God showed up like we had never felt before.
The most undeniable feeling of peace we have ever felt blanketed our entire minds, bodies and souls. Wait! What? How was I at peace when my son was laying on an operating table preparing to battle the fight of his life? Because God unconditionally cares for us and promises us His Peace. Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
The Holy Spirit plants one of many seeds, including peace, in us the moment we give our lives to Him. These seeds produce fruit when we live in the Holy Spirit. Despite how difficult this time was for my family I would not change a single thing. It drew me even closer to God. I developed a deeper understanding of His promises and how God can take a tragedy and use it for His glory. I know His love for us like I never knew before.
Despite that, my faith is still and always will be a work in progress. I still struggle to let go and let God take that baton but knowing He wants to produce fruit in us abundantly means I will continually strive to abide in Him.
Janet Crouch has been attending Grace Chapel with her husband, Kelly and two children, Chase 10 & Elliana 7 for over 2 years. Janet works for a non-profit in Wilsonville that provides occupational & physical therapy for children with neurological based conditions. She loves spending time with her family and traveling to central Oregon whenever they can get away. They have been blessed to have a completely healthy and healed outcome with their son and find it pure joy being able to give back to Doernbecher Children’s Hospital.