It was a tear-filled, heart-healing journey.
In the 1980’s this song came out and it has always been a part of my journey.
“You are my hiding place, you always heal my heart with songs of deliverance whenever I am afraid, I will trust in you, let the weak say I am strong in the strength of the Lord.” (from Psalm 37:2)
My husband and I often like to take a drive with no idea where we might end up. It’s a bit unsettling for me as I like to know the end result, but he likes the adventure of not knowing. When I was asked to write about my life with the Lord as an adventure, I was not sure what to say, so I prayed and “You are my hiding place” came to me.
In my early thirties and forties, I went through a very rough stage with health issues of many “not knowing” moments. The doctors were unsure of why I was very ill, they thought it might be lupus, as I had a positive reading for a connective tissue disease. They said it could be an auto immune disorder or chronic fatigue, they just didn’t know.
At that time we had our two children and also I did full time day care. When I look back now it amazes me how much was going on and how we survived.
The adventure-journey began when Jesus alongside the Holy Spirit showed up in a very intense dream one night. He told me I would go through an emotional ‘surgery’ guided by the Spirit and I would be healed when it was over. It scared me. You know those kind of dreams that seem very real?
In this ‘vision’ I saw (The Lord) working over me slowly removing tangled and twisted old wounds; and as He did the surgery, He would sing over me.
“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
This surgery was a tear-filled, heart-searching, intensifying series of songs.
As I began to slowly heal; the Spirit showed me I had to not only deal with the physical issues but my emotional issues too. Depression and pain, followed me like a crutch on each side walking with me as I took each step.
When memories of childhood flooded my daily routines often times I would sing, “you are my hiding place, you always fill my heart with songs of deliverance.” It was gentle and healing to my heart.
I needed the assurance that throughout the years of working with a skilled therapist and with the guiding of the Holy Spirit; I would remain protected and safe and mentally stable in the end. Any time trauma comes to the surface it is stored not only in memory but also within cells. So my body was remembering what my mind tried to hide but couldn’t forget.
As the uncovering took place, God continued to work with me and strengthen me, taking away old lies and replacing them with words of truth and affirmation. Memories flooded me, and truth exposed the ugliness and as we walked through the hard places it was very much like a back packing adventure.
The journey would be rough, I would say, “I can’t do this” and the Spirit would encourage me, and whisper; “YES you can, I am guiding you.” During this time I was lead to read a little book called, “Hinds feet on High Places” by Hannah Hurnard. It touched me in such a deep and profound way I knew it was meant for me.
It took years to heal both physically and emotionally.
It took trust to form for myself towards my counselor who was a very kind man, and for me to understand the “little girl” who had a hurt heart and it was up to me, the adult, to change-heal her story. The journey took a long time but it was worth each and every step along the way. I also learned and came to understand, it was never “the little girl’s fault”.
The journey of healing was from the inside out and I was healed on every level. The connective tissue disease not only went into remission but was not visible through any test. I know without a shadow of doubt, God healed me.
It has been a journey filled with hope, healing, truth telling and powerful love.
Sharon Osterhoudt has been married for 42 years. She has two grown children and six grand children. She and her husband have attended Grace Chapel for over ten years.
She is a creative author and blog writer of the blog: http://www.sharono-somethingtothinkabout.com/